look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
