HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
