Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
this will be a night to untag.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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