This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I stole a fireplace last night.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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