i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
