some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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