Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
