Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
