im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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