i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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