We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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