i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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