i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
