You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
