Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is wine microwaveable?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
