I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my shit smells like andre
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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