my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My ass is underappreciated
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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