I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
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