you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
