ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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