Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
