Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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