She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
