Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
