dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
