Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
