I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
