hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
