He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
