My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
