Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize