so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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