so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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