We're facebook friends in real life
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
