I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm always down for nudity.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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