I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
