I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
