I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize