i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
