I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He called his prostate his "boner button".
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
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