It's Friday. Sex?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Drunk is not a location!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
