I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
