how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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