There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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