you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
