**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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