i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
