In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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