I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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