My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
