omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Quick, to the slutcave!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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