Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Randomize
