So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
