clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
