did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
