Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
