All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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