Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
