I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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