you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
