My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
