I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize