Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
