Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My vagina is very pro this idea
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
