If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i now understand why vodka
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
