if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
