3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
