For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
