You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
