whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
