so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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