Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize