I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
